My thoughts on adoption. Nap time ramblings......

Rarely do I ever blog anymore, but this has been on my mind for quite a while now and I'm going to do my best to articulate what I want to say. I've never really been great with words, but I'm going to share anyways. Writing for therapeutic reasons is not typically a hobby of mine, but I do believe it helps. So here goes.....
As an adoptive parent, I get asked questions often. "What is it like to adopt?" "How did you decide what agency to use?" "What is the birth mom's story?" "How does the process work?" "How much does it cost?" I am a very open person and will answer any questions that I get, but that doesn't mean that some questions still catch me off guard, and might possibly even still offend me. Because I am an adoptive parent, I now have the knowledge and am put into a position where I can teach others what I know to better understand adoption.
The first topic on my mind is adoption terminology. I, Jodi, am Preslee's mom. Meladie, the woman who gave birth to her is Preslee's birth mom. When Preslee was first born it did not bother me (as much) when people asked me questions referring to her "mom" but now that Preslee is (almost) 2, it stings just a little. Just a few weeks ago somebody asked me, referring to Preslee's strong will, "What is Preslee's mom like? Does Preslee have her same personality traits? Don't get me wrong-we are eternally grateful for the sacrifice that Meladie made and she deserves credit too, but I am Preslee's mom. I have been for 2 years. I did not carry her in my tummy, nor did I endure the labor to bring her here on earth, but for the last 2 years I have done my best to raise her, nuture her and teach her.

Preslee was not given up for adoption. Preslee was placed for adoption. According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, give up means: to desist from:abandon. In my opinion, adoption is the exact opposite. As the previous LDS church adoption program puts it-"Adoption: It's About Love". Any mother out there can imagine what placing a child for adoption may feel like. Each birth mom has their own personal reason, but the sole purpose is to give the child the life that they deserve. They have the child's interest in mind. When I became a mom and discovered the instant love for my child, I often cry at the decision that she chose to make. But she did it because Preslee deserves the life that she was put into. Does that mean that Meladie couldn't have given her a great life? NO, but that she wanted Preslee to have a mom and a dad, experiences that she possibly couldn't give her and much more.
Other comments that have been brought up to me is our relationship with Meladie. This one does not come up as often, but when it does it still weighs on my mind. Every adoption relationship is different. It is up the birth parents and adoptive parents to decide what will work best for them. Some birth moms don't want updates. Some birth parents aren't comfortable with as much contact as the birth parents want, etc. In the very beginning we were cautious with what information we shared until we formed a deeper relationship with her. We didn't know what boundaries we needed to set, if any. As time went on, we became more and more comfortable with sharing personal information with Meladie. Our current relationship is very casual. We communicate occasionally, visit in person, send pictures (note to self-*send pictures soon). Nothing formal, when something comes up-we address it. I have had comments recently from people that say maybe now is a good time to start pulling back from the relationship, or what are our "obligations", how long do we have to keep in contact with her?  Everything we do is by choice. We would not put Preslee in a position if we thought it was unhealthy for her. Why would I want to cut off ties? Why would I want to do that for Preslee? Or Meladie and her children? We talk to Preslee about Meladie. She has pictures of her half siblings hanging up in her room. Before we adopted, I often worried about "sharing" my child. I figured that I would want to keep the distant between us and a birth mom as far away as possible, but once I was put into the situation, my mind changed instantly. I get excited to show her off, give updates, talk about her.  Meladie has become a friend of mine. I think about her all the time. When we talk/text, our conversation is not always about Preslee. Adoption does not define Preslee, but it is a huge part of her (and our) lives. My hopes are that if we address it appropriately and talk to her about it often, she won't questions anything. We are prepared if she does, but for now we're just doing what we feel is right for all of us.

My intent for this post is not to offend anyone, but to educate people. Infertility is far more common than it used to be, and it seems that everyone knows at least one couple who have adopted or are trying to adopt. If this is the least that I can do, then I'm going to do it.
I am open to questions and conversation about adoption in general, or about our personal adoption story. Please don't feel that because of this post, you can't ask me questions. Again, it's not to offend anyone. If anything, it was more helpful for me to write it down, than it will be for anyone else.