My thoughts on adoption. Nap time ramblings......

Rarely do I ever blog anymore, but this has been on my mind for quite a while now and I'm going to do my best to articulate what I want to say. I've never really been great with words, but I'm going to share anyways. Writing for therapeutic reasons is not typically a hobby of mine, but I do believe it helps. So here goes.....
As an adoptive parent, I get asked questions often. "What is it like to adopt?" "How did you decide what agency to use?" "What is the birth mom's story?" "How does the process work?" "How much does it cost?" I am a very open person and will answer any questions that I get, but that doesn't mean that some questions still catch me off guard, and might possibly even still offend me. Because I am an adoptive parent, I now have the knowledge and am put into a position where I can teach others what I know to better understand adoption.
The first topic on my mind is adoption terminology. I, Jodi, am Preslee's mom. Meladie, the woman who gave birth to her is Preslee's birth mom. When Preslee was first born it did not bother me (as much) when people asked me questions referring to her "mom" but now that Preslee is (almost) 2, it stings just a little. Just a few weeks ago somebody asked me, referring to Preslee's strong will, "What is Preslee's mom like? Does Preslee have her same personality traits? Don't get me wrong-we are eternally grateful for the sacrifice that Meladie made and she deserves credit too, but I am Preslee's mom. I have been for 2 years. I did not carry her in my tummy, nor did I endure the labor to bring her here on earth, but for the last 2 years I have done my best to raise her, nuture her and teach her.

Preslee was not given up for adoption. Preslee was placed for adoption. According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, give up means: to desist from:abandon. In my opinion, adoption is the exact opposite. As the previous LDS church adoption program puts it-"Adoption: It's About Love". Any mother out there can imagine what placing a child for adoption may feel like. Each birth mom has their own personal reason, but the sole purpose is to give the child the life that they deserve. They have the child's interest in mind. When I became a mom and discovered the instant love for my child, I often cry at the decision that she chose to make. But she did it because Preslee deserves the life that she was put into. Does that mean that Meladie couldn't have given her a great life? NO, but that she wanted Preslee to have a mom and a dad, experiences that she possibly couldn't give her and much more.
Other comments that have been brought up to me is our relationship with Meladie. This one does not come up as often, but when it does it still weighs on my mind. Every adoption relationship is different. It is up the birth parents and adoptive parents to decide what will work best for them. Some birth moms don't want updates. Some birth parents aren't comfortable with as much contact as the birth parents want, etc. In the very beginning we were cautious with what information we shared until we formed a deeper relationship with her. We didn't know what boundaries we needed to set, if any. As time went on, we became more and more comfortable with sharing personal information with Meladie. Our current relationship is very casual. We communicate occasionally, visit in person, send pictures (note to self-*send pictures soon). Nothing formal, when something comes up-we address it. I have had comments recently from people that say maybe now is a good time to start pulling back from the relationship, or what are our "obligations", how long do we have to keep in contact with her?  Everything we do is by choice. We would not put Preslee in a position if we thought it was unhealthy for her. Why would I want to cut off ties? Why would I want to do that for Preslee? Or Meladie and her children? We talk to Preslee about Meladie. She has pictures of her half siblings hanging up in her room. Before we adopted, I often worried about "sharing" my child. I figured that I would want to keep the distant between us and a birth mom as far away as possible, but once I was put into the situation, my mind changed instantly. I get excited to show her off, give updates, talk about her.  Meladie has become a friend of mine. I think about her all the time. When we talk/text, our conversation is not always about Preslee. Adoption does not define Preslee, but it is a huge part of her (and our) lives. My hopes are that if we address it appropriately and talk to her about it often, she won't questions anything. We are prepared if she does, but for now we're just doing what we feel is right for all of us.

My intent for this post is not to offend anyone, but to educate people. Infertility is far more common than it used to be, and it seems that everyone knows at least one couple who have adopted or are trying to adopt. If this is the least that I can do, then I'm going to do it.
I am open to questions and conversation about adoption in general, or about our personal adoption story. Please don't feel that because of this post, you can't ask me questions. Again, it's not to offend anyone. If anything, it was more helpful for me to write it down, than it will be for anyone else.

Happily Ever After

We had the best time on our cruise! When we woke up on the last day of the cruise (Saturday April 27th) the ship had arrived back at Port Canaveral in Florida. We got our bags ready, went to breakfast and turned our cell phones back on. We had received a few texts and phone calls from our caseworker, Lisa. We had an appointment with her for our updated home study so we didn't think anything of the phone calls. I called her back immediately and then realized that it was 5am on a Saturday in Utah. About an hour later she called back. We had just got off the ship and were in the terminal waiting for our shuttle back to the hotel. She had asked me if I was with Kurt. When I told her yes she asked if I would put her on speaker phone. I told her that we were in a noisy terminal and she would be hard to hear. She told me that she really wanted me to put her on speaker phone. Begrudgingly, I did it. She then told us that she was glad we went on a cruise because we won't have the opportunity to do that in a while since we are going to parents soon. I couldn't believe it! We both sat there with the cell phone to our ears and cried while she told us more details. We were going to have a baby GIRL and she is due July 25th. That is 3 months away. Whoa!!! When we got off the phone-Kurt and I hugged and cried! I then realized that people were looking at us. But at the time I was in my own happy world and I didn't even care. So here we are receiving the best news in the world and we are stuck in Florida for one more day. I wanted to tell everyone immediately but with little information and haven't been in contact with our birth mom yet, we were cautious. We took the shuttle back to the hotel and I remember that I would tear up at every thought I had. We were finally getting a baby! It all seemed so unreal. Lisa had told us that our birth mom, Meladie, would be emailing us soon. I checked my phone every 20 minutes waiting for that email. We had so many questions. It was 10 days later that we received an email. That was a long 10 days. But after learning more about Meladie we understood her life more and how busy she is. She works full time and has 2 young kids. Her first email to us was so sweet! My favorite part of the email said this....."Thanks again for letting me pick you to raise this precious little spirit". Each time I read that I get goosebumps. I can't even imagine the courage that it takes to choose adoption. We feel so honored and blessed that she chose us. We would not be able to raise our family without women like Meladie. Amazing! Our first face to face meeting with her was on May 29th. Until that time we continued to email back and forth to get to know each other better. We were nervous for the face to face meeting, but felt that it went better than we could ever imagine. We felt a connection with Meladie and got to meet her brother, neices and nephews and her 2 kids that same day. Her kids are adorable. Big, beautiful brown eyes! So cute! Now that we are in the middle of June, we have been working on getting the baby's room ready. We are (mostly) ready. I think as ready as we're going to be. The changing table is set up, clothes washed, diaper bag packed for the road trip back home from the hopsital (about 3 hours) and bottles washed. We are ready! We have been waiting 5 long years and with the difficult journey with infertility, surgeries, disappointment every month with no pregnancy, sadness and many, many emotions we are finally going to bring our angel home! This is a very special experience for us and continue to pray that everything works out as planned. We are so grateful for Meladie and are very impressed with her. She is a very strong-willed, independent, easy going person. She has been very considerate of our feelings during this process and is easy to get along with. We are lucky to have such a wonderful birth mom.

Bahamas

We had the most amazing vacation! It was fabulous and beautiful. We had a great time.
Sorry for the long post. There are so many pictures that I want to share...but hard to choose which ones.

The first day on the ship. It was slightly overwhelming because it is so big. Plus I only had 3 hours of sleep the night before. It was kind of a long, slow day but we had a ton of fun the rest of the days.

Kurt caught this awesome fish called a parrot fish. It looks so tropical. It was the biggest one caught on the boat.

 The sunsets and sunrises were absolutely amazing!!!!

This was one of my favorite pictures. It looks like a postcard. The water was so beautiful.

On this vacation we went bottom fishing, swam with dolphins, went snorkeling and hung out on the beautiful beaches. The cruise ship has amazing food (and you can eat whenever you want, including room service), fun shows and a lot of entertainment. This was our first cruise and I would highly recommend a cruise as a vacation. It was so relaxing and fun!




 

Home Sweet Home

It's been a while since I posted, but not much has been happening around here in this cold spring weather. Kurt has been working out of town and Jodi has been recovering from surgery and trying to take care of the house while Kurt has been gone.

Since we moved into our house 7 years ago we have been putting the hay for our horse in the garage. Because hay needs to stay dry, the garage was our best option at the time. Well time went by and we never did anything about it.....until now. Hay is very dusty and messy, therefore it sticks to our shoes, gets in my car and tracks into the house. We have an attached shed on the back of our garage and we are finally making renovations to the shed to store the hay so that it is protected from the weather. I could not be happier to get the hay out of the garage. Kurt has also built shelves into the garage to better organize our space. I love to organize! Kurt is so handy and had shelves built in a matter of hours. I love that about him. We also had a very large tree removed from the yard because the roots were taking over and causing problems. It was a huge tree and made a huge mess. I love spring because it gives me the motivation to make the yard look nice. The snow melts, the tulips and daffodils are starting to bloom and we begin to plant our garden. It has been a cold Spring, but before we know it it is going to be too hot to be outside.

We have 6 days until our cruise, but who's counting, right? :) I am very excited for 80+ degree weather, swimming on beautiful white sandy beaches and food, food, food!!!! It is going to be a great vacation and after several weeks (he was home on weekends) away from Kurt, it will be nice to spend some good, quality time with each other.

Baby Davis

My sister (who is also one of my best friends) had her first baby. He was born February 21st. He was 5 days late and made a wonderful welcome into the world. He is cute! We don't know where this red hair comes from, but it has to be in the family.......somewhere down the line.

 
















What a cute boy!!! He definitely looks like his daddy.

 

10 YEARS!!!

I can't believe that tomorrow Kurt and I will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary. It really has gone by pretty fast; I guess that just goes to show how much fun we're having :) Not everything about marriage is sunshine and rainbows, but it's been a great journey to adjust to each other's life styles, work through problems and fall further and further in love with each other. Kurt is a wonderful person and I love him very much. I feel very lucky to be his wife!! Within the last 3 months we have 3 friends who have decided to divorce. It makes me very sad to think about the sadness and struggles that these friends (and their children) are having to endure. I have realized how very grateful I am for Kurt and for the relationship that we do have. Reading articles that state the negative affects of infertility on marriages is eye opening. Our infertility journey has only brought Kurt and I closer together and I am so grateful for that. Kurt is very understanding, patient and sensitive to the ups and downs of the emotions that infertility can cause. I could not have chosen a better husband to spend the rest of my life with and grow old with. He is absolutely amazing!! Happy Anniversary Kurt!

Blessings

I got bad news from my doctor last week....another surgery for me. I have a cyst caused by my endometriosis on my ovary which has doubled in size since December. In order to "save" the ovary, surgery is necessary. This makes for #4. I was pretty upset when the doctor revealed the bad news, but have been overcome by so many blessings in the last few days. 1) I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive and understanding. I could not ask for a better guy! I love him so much. 2) We have awesome family and friends who truly care about us and would do anything for us. 3) I'm grateful for modern medicine. Being that this is surgery #4 I know pretty much exactly what to expect. The surgeries are done laprascopically and only take 4-5 days to recover from. Aside from the incision pain, they aren't too bad. 5) I'm grateful for my health. Despite the struggles that I do have, it could definitely be worse. We have a friend who is going through chemo right now and I realized that my problems are minimal when looking at the grand scheme of things. 6) Kurt has a good job that offers awesome benefits. Comparative to others, our insurance is really good with small deductibles and co-pays. I'm blessed to have these little reminders in my life that bring me happiness and joy when I'm feeling down.

Snow Snow Go Away! Vacation here we come......

It has felt like a very long winter. This year we've had tons of snow. One of the biggest winters in probably the last 6 or 7 years. It doesn't seem like the snow will melt until May because it's piled so high. I often find myself daydreaming for warm, sunny weather when I can lay in a pool and relax. Those days seem far away, but will come soon enough! Kurt and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary next month and are going on a cruise to the Bahamas. We are very excited. We almost went to the Bahamas on our honeymoon and it will be our first cruise (which I've always wanted to do), so it's going to be a special trip for us. I've always dreamed of swimming with dolphins so I will be able to check off 3 things from my bucket list in just one trip. Kurt is playing in a hockey tournament next month in Vegas and is very excited about that. My best friend from high school lives in Vegas and we are staying with her and her husband. Kurt plays hockey and I get to spend some time with a close friend; the perfect trip for both of us :) Check back for pictures from our trips to come......

New Year's Eve sledding

I think it was 22 degrees on this day. It was very cold, but we had a lot of fun-despite the few crashes that I had.

Waiting at the top with my niece. This may have been the run that flipped me over and I ended the run on my stomach sliding down the hill backwards....without the sled. I hurt my hand when I tried to soften the landing. Definitely not as young as we used to be :)

Kurt and my sister's husband sledding down the hill. This was 400+ pounds on a sled. I guess we all get to act like kids every once in a while. After sledding we enjoyed some peppermint hot chocolate and spent the rest of the evening and New Year's Day playing games with Jodi's family. And of course eating a lot of food! We hope that 2013 brings much joy and happiness to you.

'Tis the Season

This past weekend Kurt and I watched my 1 year nephew and 6 year old neice while their parents were celebrating their birthdays at a weekend getaway. My neice had a gingerbread house kit to make while she was with us and after that Kurt wanted to make a gingerbread house so we bought a few kits, a lot of candy and began building........
The lighting in these pictures is pretty bad, but my camera battery was dead, so I was using my phone camera.

Kurt is definintely a perfectionist and since he used to build houses he wanted his "walls" completely straight. All of his icing lines were completely straight and neat. Mine were thick and messy-but unique nonetheless.

Merry Christmas!!!!

I love Christmas!!! So many christmas parties, family fun, gift exchanges, lights, decorations, christmas movies and yummy food. It is probably my favorite month of the year! I love giving gifts and I put creativey and alot of thought into the gifts that I give. One of my favorite family childhood traditions are getting a box of cereal by our stocking every year. It is something my mom started doing when we were little and each of my siblings have carried on the tradition with their family and it is still a family favorite. Kurt used to get a can of mandarin oranges in his stocking every year and he loved that tradition. Christmas Eve is the day that we celebrate with my family. We start eat dinner, exchange gifts (we draw names for gifts) and play the white elephant game. This white elephant game is super fun. The white elephant gifts are food related and we play the game where you can either choose a new gift or "steal" what the previous person had opened whether you like that treat or not. We have a lot of fun with that one.
Christmas with Kurt's family is different each year. His dad and stepmom live nearby, but often travel out of state to visit her family. Kurt's mom and stepdad live 5 hours away so we don't get to spend every Christmas with them, but have been blessed to spend the last 4 Christmas's with them. Although traveling on Christmas Day is not fun, we enjoy the time that we get to spend with them. This year we have decided to stay home for Christmas.

We hope this holiday season brings you much happiness and joy.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays
-Kurt and Jodi

The many adventures of Kurt........

The day before Thanksgiving Kurt was able to go elk hunting and he was successful; the only problem was he went hunting alone and was not able to get the 1000 lb animal out alone. He called me around 3:30 and asked me to call some friends for help. I was able to get my brother-in-law who has a 4 wheeler to help. Another problem arose....there were only 2 people that knew where Kurt's location was. Desperately I called one of those friends and he was getting ready to leave for Thanksgiving, but took time away from his family to help us. We finally arrived to help Kurt around 5:30. We drove the 4-wheelers in about 5 miles and hiked down a mountain another 50 feet (in the 10" of snow and pitch black) until we finally found Kurt. We spent another hour getting the elk up to the 4-wheelers. It was freezing cold, muddy, pitch black and crazy. On the drive home we almost hit 3 or 4 deer that ran in front of our truck.
What an adventure!!!! There is certainly never a dull moment with Kurt. He always keeps me on my toes!!
We were very grateful for our friends that day that always come to our assistance when we need it.

The joys of owning horses....
People that have come to know me in the last 10 years assume that because we have a horse I am automatically a "cowgirl". They are wrong! I have always been scared of horses...and heights and for someone that is afraid of heights, sitting on the back of a horse 6 or 7 feet off the ground seems like 100 feet. When I was 11 I was bucked off a horse pretty aggressively and I've been even more scared since. When I met Kurt, he happened to have a horse so it is a lifestyle that I married into. I don't ride our horse, and only take care of it if Kurt is not able to. This summer I rode a horse for a long period of time and Kurt was very proud of me. It probably won't happen very often, but I try to involve myself in Kurt's hobbies so we can always do things together. We are very lucky to have enough property at our house to have a horse in our very backyard.
A few weeks ago on a stormy Monday night I was getting ready for my Volleyball game and Kurt went outside to feed the animals as he does every night. A few minutes later I heard our dog barking a lot, which is not super common, but he is known to chase the horse and bark at him if the horse is running around or something. After several minutes I heard Kurt yelling my name very faintly so I went outside to see what was going on. It was very dark and I couldn't see him. When I called Kurt's name, he didn't answer.....so I called it out again. At this point I knew something was wrong. I ran out into the pasture with my socks on and saw Kurt on the ground with Woodrow, who was also laying down. When Kurt went out to feed something had spooked Woodrow and he tried to kick Kurt. Luckily he missed, or else Kurt would have been badly injured. But as he got spooked he took off running down to the end of the pasture and reared up. As he reared up, he lost control and fell over onto our chainlink fence taking out 4 of the posts and getting tangled up in the wires. I went to get the neighbor and some tools for Kurt to cut the chainlink so Woodrow could be free. Remember how I said I was in my socks?....well in the drama of all this I never had time to get shoes so I had thorns in my feet. As Kurt cut him out of the fence Woodrow was able to get up and roam around. We had wonderful neighbors and friends come over to help us. We took Woodrow into the garage (where there was light) and he had several cuts all over his body, with a very severe cut on his left hind hoof which was bleeding badly. His other hind leg was not cut, but was very swollen and was getting bigger. 4 hours later we had him settled down and cleaned up. Kurt took Woodrow to the vet the next day and luckily nothing was broken or severely injured. We were grateful that Kurt wasn't hurt, Woodrow is recovering and that we were only left with a broken fence. It was a very scary night for us. Kurt is so amazing and always tends to stay calm; which then helps me to stay calm. We're thankful for neighbors and friends who came over to help because we couldn't have done it alone.

Running.......
Ah, what to say about running. I used to HATE running and never found a benefit to it at all. But it became a hobby of mine about 2 years ago. I think I enjoy the challenge that it gives me and I enjoy seeing my progress.
A few weeks ago I was going to run the Color Run 5K in Salt Lake with my friend. We were supposed to be leaving around 7:15 am to get to Salt Lake in time. She text me around 4:30am saying she wasn't able to run with me. So I begged Kurt to go with me. He was hesitant, but knew that it would mean a lot to me if he would go. Awww! He's the best husband! This was his first organized run that he's ever done and he had so much fun. He hasn't stopped talking about it since. Now I think he'll do more with me. It was a lot of fun! We were covered with this powder chalk that they throw at you while you're running.

 

 

 

 The following weekend I ran the Dirty Dash with some of Kurt's cousins and their friends. What can be better than running? Running in the mud!!!

                                Clean?......not for long!

 

 

                                    

 



 

 

 

St. George girls trip
While Kurt was hunting, I took a girls trip with my mom, sisters and one niece to St George to see the shows at Tuacahn. Hairspray is one of my favorite movies so when I heard it was playing at Tuacahn I knew I had to go. My sister and I have the same birthday so it's fun to celebrate with her every year. This was our birthday girls weekend.

My sister and I that share a birthday. Many people say we look a lot alike. Love her!

 

"Camping" in the Uinta's

Our friends have a cabin in the Uinta's so we took a weekend trip to spend time with friends. Kurt took advantage of being in the mountains to go hunting. He later met up with all of us at Mirror Lake for a little bit of fishing. Isn't he cute in his camo?

 Me and my cousin Ashley. We are only 4 days apart and grew up just around the corner from one another. We've always been inseperable and she is one of my best friends.

 Mirror Lake is so beautiful and the weather is perfect this time of year.

 

We have had a really fun summer. Family vacations, hanging out with friends, BBQ's, roasting marshmallows. I'm not ready for it to end, but I guess the saying goes "All good things must come to an end". Here are some pictures from our recent adventures.

My sister and I ran a 5K called the FoamFest. There were mud pits, river crossing, bounce houses with water and foam (soapy suds). It was a blast! My shirt was very white when we started, but it didn't end up staying white :)

FOAM! It did not feel so good in the eyes!

Did I mention that there was mud? :)

Fun times!

Unfortunately Kurt's grandma passed away a few weeks ago...but we were able to see all of his brothers and sisters (doesn't happen too often since his 2 sisters live out of state).

With Kurt's dad, stepmom, his 2 brothers, sister in law and 2 sisters.

Just the siblings!

Another family reunion (extended family)

This is called a "redneck waterslide". What a fun day we had!

 Me and my sister in law

Kurt, 2 cousins and my brother

Jodi's family reunion. We had a lot of fun playing games, hiking and laughing! We also found out my sister (which I am very close with) is pregnant with her first child. So excited for them!

 Kurt came a day after we all got there because he was working. He showed up just in time for dinner. 8 out of the 13 neices and nephews went outside to eat dinner with Kurt on the deck

 We hiked 4 miles into this beautiful waterfall. It was a fun family activity that we all did together.

 Kurt and I hiked up higher to the waterfall. I am pretty scared of heights, but Kurt encouraged me to be brave! I was still a bit scared.

 Ayla is making Kurt's hair pretty! :)

June has been very eventful! Since I (Jodi) work for a school district I don't work in the Summer. It is great! It gives me a lot of time to finish projects that I neglect when I'm working!

A few weeks ago Kurt had surgery to remove his gall bladder. He was having some stomach pains and after test results, we found his gall bladder was not working at full capacity. This was his first major surgery....he was pretty nervous. And since I'm very much like my dad-I always have a camera with me to document all these fun times in our lives-here are some pictures!

*I thought it was funny that they made him wear these funny socks!

*Doesn't he look so excited? This was right before they wheeled him into the OR.

He did really well and has recovered wonderfully!


This past weekend we went on a trip with 4 of our really good friends. It was a blast! These are my 4 best friends from high school and now all the husbands are good friends! I love it.
We played games, laughed, ate, went to the lake and had a ton of fun.

 *Hanging out on the deck every night with some beautiful weather!

 *The lake....this was my favorite day!

 *Me and cute Mady (my cousins' daughter)

 *Me, Cami, Lynsey and Ashley. This picture was taken by Lynsey's 3 year old daughter Summer so its a bit blurry.

*Also taken by a 3 year old. But I LOVE the picture. The boys took us clay pigeon shooting. What a fun trip!